Abusing Love
by Kiri Natsumi-Tetsuya
Summary: first fanfict. Levi x Eren. Eren is being abused by levi, but is afraid to tell anyone because he doesn't know what happened to make Levi treat him like this. Levi is being forced to abuse Eren by Grisha. I do not own any part of Shingeki no Kyojin or any of its characters. MODERN AU, Trigger warnings!
1. Prologue

**This is my first Fanfic, so please work with me! Otherwise Enjoy~!**

_"I will love you, no matter what."_

_I look over at him and smile, "I know, and so will I."_

_he reaches his pale hand out and wraps it around my own, and gives me a small smile that lights up my whole world._

_But everything was going to change, and soon I will wonder where this Levi disappeared to._

"Eren~!"

I look up at the sound of Hanji heading to where I was busy cleaning off the table and prepping it for the next customer.

"What do you need Hanji?" I ask, going back to what I was doing.

She bounds up behind me and puts her head right next to mine, "You never talk to me anymore~! I miss you, and so does Mike! Of course, I never asked him, but I'm sure he misses you too~!"

I cringe at the proximity of her voice to my ear, but shrug at her statement, "I'm busy working, I haven't really been able to get out lately."

She pouts at me, "Is it Levi?"

I pause at the mention of his name, then continue working. She sighs loudly and puts her hand on my shoulder. "You need to stop worrying about him, he'll understand if you go out with your friends once in awhile. He could do with getting out more as well."

"You know he can't stand being around my friends Hanji, and I'd rather have him happy than drag him around being an ass to everyone." I finish and look at her, "I need to get back to work, it was nice seeing you again Hanji."

I turn to head back to the kitchen, but I'm stopped as she moves in front of me.

"Eren, are you okay?" She asks with a worried expression.

"Yeah I'll see you later Hanji," I move around her, and I here her sigh before she leaves.

_I'm sorry Hanji, but I can't tell you everything_

I head back to the kitchens.

**Okay, that's a really short beginning, but I promise to update fast! I just had to get something out so I can get this out of my head. See you guys later~!**


	2. Eren

**Okay, I noticed some mistakes so please work with me! otherwise, here is a second update~!**

When I finish my shift at the Titan Bar and Grill, I grab my stuff and start heading home.

Thankfully, our apartment is fairly close to the Diner, only a ten minute walk away. I find myself in front of the door, and brace myself for what I'm going to find. Even after we moved in together, Levi's cleaning habit is still over the top. But his self control...let's just say he's changed.

I open the door and immediately scrunch up my nose in disgust as the smell of liquor washes over me, he's been at it again.

I quickly shut the door so no prying eyes of the neighbors can see our apartment, and I hear noise coming from the kitchen.

"Levi?" I call out, and put my stuff down as he enters the living room with a glass in his hand.

"What, you shitty brat?" He slurs, leaning against the door frame.

I ignore his glare and sit down on the couch, "How was your day?"

"Shitty as usual, yours?" he replies sharply.

"Hanji came by the Diner," I started and his eyes narrow at the mention of her name.

"What did she want?"

"She said that I should get you to get out more, and spend more time with her and Mike."

"Shitty glasses should stick to her own shit, her ass don't belong in mine," he replies, and takes a sip of his drink.

"Well, maybe if you actually got out more then she wouldn't be so worried." I counter, watching his reaction closely.

"Shut up Brat." He replies, and heads back into the kitchen.

I breathe a sigh of relief. He didn't get upset with me, maybe tonight will be a calm night. For the past few months, Levi has gotten more and more harsh towards me. I don't know why, and every time I bring it up he goes off on me. But no matter how many times he hits me, I can't bear to raise a hand to strike back. Maybe that means I'm weak, but I just can't bear to hurt him. I know that he still loves me, and that it's just something under his skin that he's trying to figure out.

But it doesn't change the fact of what he's doing, so I try not to anger him too much.

Later that night, Levi is finally passed out in our bed, and I slip in quietly beside him. He doesn't stir, and I watch him a little. his face is more relaxed than it is when he's awake. I reach a hand up and gently stroke his cheek, then close my eyes.

"I love you Levi, sleep well.."

**Okay, I know these are short chapters, but I only get limited access to the internet, so please understand. Also my updates are going to be as often as possible since I know that these are short chapters so far. But I will not be updating on weekends since I am completely cut off then. **

**Wow! I'm surprised that this is actually getting views, and I thank you guys so much for taking the time to read this!**

**If you see anything or have any suggestions, feel free to leave me a review, and thank you so much~!**


	3. Levi

**Wow, this has been getting a lot of views, and yes this chapter will be in Levi's POV. I like giving the readers a chance to see both sides of the story, and trust me, I don't like having Levi being seen as abusive. But for this story, I have to so I apologize! I'm so excited for this fic, and thank you so much~!**

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><p>Late the next day, I start to wake up. At first I feel fine and start stretching out. But then I'm attacked by a terrible hangover, thanks to all my drinking last night.<p>

"Fuck..." I groan and cover my eyes with my hand. I sit up and rub my eyes, then look over at the warm body beside me still asleep. I reach a hand out and softly stroke his brunette locks. He doesn't stir, still fast asleep.

I smile and slowly get out of bed and head into the kitchen to make breakfast. On the way I grab my phone off the charger and check for messages. I found one new voicemail, and I start listening to it, stalling by the door jam of the living room.

_"Levi, it's time for your weekly report, you have twelve hours to comply."_

_Damn that bastard_, I quickly dial back and wait for him to answer.

_"Ah, so your finally calling back?"_

"Shut the hell up." I retort, and start moving into the kitchen.

_"So how is Eren? is he healing well?"_

"He shouldn't have those marks in the first place you bastard. What gives you the right to force me to hurt the one person I love? Your a sick monster Grisha."

_"Yes, I am a monster. But so is Eren, and that's why you comply."_

"Eren is not a monster!" I slam my fist down in anger.

_"What, are you done? I could just as easily come and do it myself if that's what you wish."_

"Eren doesn't deserve this! He shouldn't be treated like this!"

_"Then stop, but know what's at stake here. It would cost you his life."_

"Shut the fuck up, I already know. But your never going to lay a hand on him, do you hear me? Sooner or later I'll find you and kill you, you fucking monster."

He chuckles, _"Good to know, now how about you give me your report?"_

"Bastard.." I comply, but hang up as soon as I'm finished.

_He'll never get anywhere near Eren. I'll find him soon, and then this bullshit can finally stop. _

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><p><strong>Sorry this wasn't uploaded earlier today, but I found it quite difficult to write in Levi's POV. Hopefully it's satisfactory. Thank you for reading~! Hope to see you all again! And yes, hopefully these chapters will get longer. I know it's driving me insane~~~~!<strong>


	4. Eren's Morning

**Okay**,** I'm just really surprised, but I am really going to try to lengthen these chapters for your guys' sake as well as my own~! Another Eren POV, but should I also do a Hanji POV soon? or just stick with Eren and Levi? anyway, enjoy~**

After hearing Levi leave for work, I get up as well. _Who was he arguing with so early in the morning? _I shrug and head to the kitchen to fix something, only to find breakfast waiting for me. I smile at the thought of Levi cooking this for me. Soon I'm sitting at the counter, eating the delicious Quiche* he made. _Levi really does care, I just wish I knew what was going on with him. I feel like he's been keeping me out of his thoughts lately, as if...maybe he thinks I can't handle..._

I shake my head at the thought, there's no way Levi would think so little of me. There's got to be another reason, surely.

Right?

After I finish breakfast, I start getting ready for the day. As long as Levi's out there's no reason for me to be here as well. Soon I'm locking the door, and heading out into the freezing cold of the January air.

I huff out a breath, wrapping my scarf a little tighter against the cold. _Damn, I can't wait until it get's warmer._

I climb into my car, only to have my phone ring incessantly. I groan as I answer, "What do you want Hanji?"

_"EREN~! It's so nice that you finally answered my call, since you never bother to call me back anymore!"_

I sigh, "Sorry been busy, but really what do you want?"

_"Me and Mike are heading out, and I want you to come with us! Is Levi with you?"_

"No, he had to work today."

_"Aw, that's too bad! But even more reason to come with us! Please say yes!"_

I groan, but end up agreeing.

_"yay~! Meet us at Maria's!" _And she hangs up on me.

_Great, now I have to spend the next few hours with Hanji..._

I groan once more and turn the key in the ignition, then start heading to Maria's Bar.

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><p>Quiche-Egg pie (includes egg, crust, any meatveggies)

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><p><strong>Yupp, I think I'm going to do a Hanji chapter. I really haven't wrote in a while, so getting back in the habit is the reason why these are so short. I am mentally cursing myself here, but I thank you guys for all your support~!<strong>


	5. Hanji

**Like I keep saying, I'm really trying to make these chapters longer. Hopefully this one will make it easier to write with, as I'm doing Hanji POV.**

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><p>While me and Mike are waiting on Eren to show his face, I order us drinks. Usually I go all out on drinking, but I need to be sober to talk to Eren. I've been worrying about him, and have noticed both him and Levi acting differently. So to get to the bottom of it, I brought Mike along so we could talk to them both. But it seems like Levi won't be here this time, but I'll make sure to catch him soon.<p>

"Hanji, calm down. You look like you want to dissect something," Mike says, and puts his hand on my shoulder, "I'm sure that whatever's going on between them is nothing serious."

"But what if it is? You know how Levi is, and I'm worried about how he's treating Eren. Ever since he lost Petra.." I trail off, overwhelmed by the memories of Levi post-Petra.

"Hanji, he's fine."

"No, you remember how depressed he was. He didn't even take care of himself Mike! I never want to see him like that ever again, but I'm also afraid that he's trying to push Eren away out of fear of losing him too." I reply, taking a sip of my mixed drink. It's just like Levi to push people away, but this time if he succeeds he could hurt himself in the process.

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><p><em>A couple years ago back when I was in college with Levi, he met a girl named Petra. I watched as he slowly fell in love with her, how entranced he was with her blonde hair and bright eyes. Soon they were dating, and I kept tabs on everything like a good friend. Maybe I always knew something was going to happen, but I never thought that it would end up like it did.<em>

_After their first year together, Petra started seeing Levi less and less. Levi came to me, frantically thinking that he was doing something to push her away. I would try to calm him down, saying that she just needed her space. All that time I kept wondering what the hell was Petra doing?_

_Soon, Levi finally decided to go talk to her. He went over to her dorm, only to find her with another man named Oulo. He didn't yell at her, only walked away. She didn't even call for him to come back._

_I knew that he thought it was his fault, but he never reached out to me. After finally a week, he stopped attending classes. At that point I felt something was wrong._

_I had went over to his place, and found him passed out, drunk, and bleeding. His wrists and forearms were covered in cuts and blood, and a pool was slowly growing around him. I hurriedly checked for a pulse, a found it faintly beating. I pulled out my phone and called for an ambulance as I tried to stop the bleeding. Not once did he wake up, and I feared that he was going to die. He was hospitalized for a couple days, and put on anti-depressants. When he was released, I made him move in with me and Mike. We were already married, and we had taken it upon ourselves to take care of him. for the first few months he didn't respond to anything, never speaking. But after another silent dinner one night, he spoke quietly._

_"Why did you save me?"_

_I looked over at him, and sighed. "She didn't leave because of you. It's not your fault. and you deserve someone better Levi. That's why."_

_And for the first time in months he looked at me and I saw tears in his eyes. I held him as he cried, and after that he slowly started feeling better. Soon he ran into a kid named Eren, and he was a little afraid to get close to him, but soon he fell hard. He was completely in love. Eren was patient with him, and slowly they started getting closer, and I watched as Levi finally let himself be with someone again. I was a little hesitant at first, letting Eren be with him, but I saw that he was making Levi happy. For the first time in years Levi was smiling and laughing, so I let them be._

_But now I'm afraid that Levi is pushing that happiness away out of fear of being hurt again._

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><p>"Hanji, Eren's here." He points at the door and I look up quickly to find that indeed Eren was here.<p>

"Eren~! Over here!" I called as I waved. His head turns at the sound of my voice and he started making his way over to us.

"Hey Hanji, thanks for inviting me out," Eren said as soon as he sat down.

"It's no problem~! I wanted to talk to you anyway Eren," I replied with a smile. _How can I ask him?_

"Oh.." He orders a drink, and turns to Mike, "Is she going to ask me something embarrassing?"

Mike shakes his head and he nods towards me. I frown at Eren's expression as he finally looks at me full-on.

_He looks tired...and stressed...Is it because of Levi?_

"What do you want to ask Hanji?" He asks, and sips his beer.

I take a deep breath, "What's going on between you and Levi? You guys are acting weird."

Just watch his body language tells me something's wrong. Every muscle tenses at Levi's name, and his breath stutters. I place a hand on him, and he finches away. my eyes widen in understanding.

"Is Levi hurting you Eren?"

He shrugs me off and scoots away, creating distance between us. At this I know I'm right.

"Eren, please say that you are fighting back.."

He doesn't reply and stands up, "I forgot I have to report in at work, I'll see you guys later," he starts walking away. I reach out and stop him and he freezes.

"Eren, how bad is it?"

He pulls away and looks at me, smiling a smile I know is fake. It breaks my heart how he can't even tell me how bad it is.

"there's nothing wrong Hanji, I'll see you guys later, okay?" And with that he leaves the bar. I sink down into my seat and lean against Mike, his warm arms ebracing me.

"I didn't think Levi would.." I start and he stops me.

"There's got to be an explanation. We'll talk to him Hanji."

I nod, but think about how much pain Eren must be in physically, but also mentally and emotionally.

_Your going to lose him Levi if you keep hurting him. Your such a dumbass you midget._

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><p><strong>Okay! I finally wrote a longer chapter, and I hope you guys are happy with it~! I take Sundays off, but I'm also going to try to only update about two-three times a week so that I have more time to get these chapters to be longer. Thanks for reading~!<strong>


	6. Eren's choice

**I think an Eren POV is due. There are a lot of emotions right now, so be prepared. Also, Trigger warnings if that's how it's going to flow. Right now I'm just going to let my mind tell the story. Enjoy, and don't hate me~!**

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><p>After leaving Hanji and Mike at the bar, I head back home. Why go out anyway? there's nothing for me to do anyway. Why did I even go out? I didn't want to talk to Hanji about Levi, I can't even bare to even <em>think<em> about him. Why did she even bring him up?

Soon I'm back at the apartment, and I'm greeted by none other than Levi.

"Hey, where did you go?" He demanded, staring me down.

"Out." I reply sharply, and moved past him to get in. He followed me, slamming the door behind him.

"What do you mean out? You didn't even have to go into work today. Where the fuck did you go?"

"I went to Maria's with Hanji and Mike. Happy?" I retort, and glare at him. "Is there a problem for me to go out with my friends, which by the way are your friends too?"

He frowns, "Of course, but I didn't know-"

"Of course not, you never care anymore! How can I tell you anything, or do anything with you if you just go off doing whatever you like? You don't tell me anything either Levi!"

He looks away, "I can't tell you everything Eren."

"Why? Is it because you don't trust me? Is it because I'm..Because I'm a m-monster?" I scream with tears in my eyes.

The look in his eyes was full of shock and hurt, and he tries to reach out to me, "Eren-"

I turn and run into the bathroom, locking it behind me. I slide down with my back against the door, and sob into my hands as he pounds on the door.

"Eren! Open the door! Eren, open the fucking door!"

The tears don't stop, and I don't reply to his rants. All I want is to be left alone, because that's what I deserve.

Because I'm a monster.

_Why didn't I see this before? He's trying to separate himself from me. He's afraid that I'll hurt him, and I should not be with him. I can hurt him, and then I'll be all alone. He's right, I'm a monster...A fucking monster...I don't even deserve to be happy. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve him. _

_I don't deserve to even be alive._

"Eren, please...please talk to me...please open the door.." He whimpers, but I don't say anything. I get up and move to where the first aid kit is, and dig through it to find what I'm looking for. I grab a scalpel from when I was studying to be a surgeon. I grip it tight in my shaking hands.

_I deserve every painful thing that happens to me. I'm not even human. I'm just a monster that deserves to die._

"I'm sorry," I whisper, and set the blade against my throat. I hear Levi pause, "Eren? What did you say Eren?"

A tear falls down my face as I press down a little, "Goodbye, Levi."

"Eren! Eren, what are you doing! What do you mea-" He slams against the door as I slide the blade across my throat, and he busts in as my vision starts to blacken.

"EREN!"

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><p><strong>Do not hate me. I'm going to probably update in another few minutes, so hopefully that'll make up for this short chapter.<strong>


	7. Levi's Relization

**"Is there a problem for me to go out with my friends, which by the way are your friends too?"Okay, yeah, you guys probably hate me because that chapter was really short. Here's a Levi POV.**

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><p>When I got home, I thought that Eren would be sleeping still. He's been looking really pale lately. The dark bags under his eyes didn't help any either. Just knowing that it's all my fault just made me feel even worse. How can I even do this to him? I love him so much, yet I hurt him just because his father is blackmailing me? I have to stop this was my first thought, and so I came home early to talk to Eren and tell him everything and apologize for putting him through this. I just have to make this right, he needs to know that I love him. I didn't care anymore that Grisha would be mad and I would probably get the backlash of his attacks. He can hurt me as much as he wants, but I'm not going to hurt Eren anymore because of that bastard.<p>

The first thing I did when I got home was go to our room to tell Eren everything, but he wasn't there. Fear clenched around at the thought that maybe he was tired of me and left me.

_No, I'm going to fix this mess. He can't be gone!_

Not even a minute passes when I hear the door being unlocked, and I rush into the living room only to see Eren walking in. I sigh in relief, _he didn't leave...but where did he go? _

"Hey, where did you go?" I demand, mad that he didn't tell me he was leaving.

"Out."

"What do you mean out? You didn't even have to go into work today, where the fuck did you go?" I say, getting angrier that he's being snappy with me.

"I went to Maria's with Hanji and Mike. Happy?" He says, glaring at me. "Is there a problem for me to go out with my friends, which by the way are your friends too?"

I frown, _Where did he get that idea? _"Of course, but I didn't know-"

He cuts me off, "Of course not, you never care anymore! How can I tell you anything, or do anything with you if you just go off doing whatever you like? You don't tell me anything either Levi!"

I look away, guilty as charged. "I can't tell you everything Eren."

"Why? Is it because you don't trust me? Is it because I'm...Because I'm a m-monster?" He screams, and I spot tears in his eyes. I can't believe what he's saying, since when have I ever said he was a monster? He's not a monster, the only one that's a monster is Grisha.

I reach out to comfort him, to tell him he's wrong, that he's not a monster, "Eren-"

He turns away and runs into the bathroom. I try to get in, but find it locked. I hear him sobbing, _damn brat_.

"Eren! Open the door! Eren, open the fucking door!" I say, pounding on the door.

_How long has he been thinking like this? Is it because of how I was treating him? I just want to fix this and make him happy, fuck Grisha and his demands. Eren, please just talk to me!_

"Eren, please...please talk to me...please open the door.." I whimper, _Please say something Eren._

"_I'm sorry.._" I hear him whisper, and I stop and hold still. _Why is he sorry?_

"Eren? What did you say Eren?" I ask, putting my ear against the door to hear him better.

"_Goodbye, Levi"_ My heart clenches in horror at his words. _No, what is he doing, what does he mean?_

"Eren! Eren, what are you doing! What do you mea-" I slam my body against the door, trying to get in. Fuck the door won't budge.

"EREN!" I slam against it again, and again. After a few minutes and a sore side later, I finally manage to break the door down only to be greeted by the sight of Eren covered in blood.

"EREN, NO!" I fall to my knees, pressing a hand against the cut at his throat and I feel a wetness on my cheeks. "Eren...Why..?" I start sobbing as I clutch him close to me. "I'm sorry Eren, I'm so sorry...Please don't die on me...I can't lose you...Not you too..."

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and it takes me a couple tries to answer it, "I need help, somebody help me!"

_"Levi? What's wrong?" _I hear Hanji, and I hold back a sob.

"Hanji, I need you to come over and help me...Eren...Eren's...Please just help me!" I cry, sobbing into the phone. She tells me she's on her way, and tries to soothe me. She keeps asking me what happened.

"He's dying Hanji...and it's all my fault...it's all my fault..." I stroke his cheek, "Please don't die Eren...I love you...I love you so much!"

_"What do you mean he's dying?! Levi, I'm almost there!"_

After a few minutes, I hear her run into our apartment. She calls out to me, and I can only sob louder. She finds us, and stands still in shock before kneeling down beside me. "We have to get him to the hospital Levi. Come on, let's get him in my truck."

I hold him tighter and don't budge, "I'm not leaving him!"

"Levi, of course not! But he'll die if we don't get him help! let's go!" She screams at me, and drags me up, and picks up Eren herself. I follow her, blinking and dazed. Soon we're in her truck and heading to the hospital. I'm sitting in the back with Eren, holding him still. When we arrive at the hospital, he's rushed into the emergency room leaving me alone with Hanji, waiting to find out if he's alive or not.

I sink into a chair, not noticing anything around me. All I can think is that it's my fault that he did it, it's my fault he's dying.

It's all my fault.

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><p><strong>Okay, this is just a lead-in. another backstory is due, and then the Hanji x Levi confrontation next chapter! Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up Saturday!<strong>


	8. Hanji meets Eren

**Another Hanji POV~! Enjoy!**

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><p>When I get to their apartment, I didn't know what to expect. Maybe Eren packing his stuff, or fighting with Levi.<p>

I didn't expect to see Eren actually dying.

I froze at the sight of the blood cascading down his throat from the cut on his neck. I glance at Levi's face, and my heart breaks at the tears and sobs coming from the usually cold man.

I kneel down beside them both, "We have to get him to the hospital Levi. Come on, let's get him in my truck."

Levi clutches him closer, and doesn't move. "I'm no leaving him!"

I sigh inwardly, "Levi, of course not! But he'll die if we don't get him help! Let's go!" I scream at him, and pick Eren up. I cringe at how light he is in my arms, _How is he this light?_

After I get them both situated in the backseat, I grab a rag and put it on top of the wound and place Levi's hand over it to try to staunch the bleeding. I get in the driver's seat and take off towards the hospital.

After seeing Eren being rushed into intensive care, I sit beside Levi. His eyes are wide and blank, and I worry about what's going through his mind right now. He probably blames himself for what happened to Eren, and for all I know it probably is. But telling him that isn't what he needs right now. He needs to be comforted.

I pull out my phone and call Mike, "Mike, it's time to call Erwin."

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><p><em>I head over to Levi's new boyfriend's place, where I'm going to have dinner and meet him for the first time. I'm a little apprehensive about this 'brat' Levi calls him. He told me that Eren was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he truly cared about his feelings and had told him that he loved him. The light was back in Levi's eyes for the first time since the Petra inccident. I thought I would never see him this happy ever again, but that doesn't mean that I think that Eren is everything Levi thinks he is. I'm scared that this Eren person is just using Levi, and that he'll just hurt Levi the same way Petra did. I don't ever want to see Levi like that ever again, so I agreed to meet Eren to judge him for myself.<em>

_I pull up at the apartment complex, and head up the stairs to the room he lives in. I knock on the door a couple times, and hear someone loudly making their way to open the door. I'm greeted by none other than Levi._

_"Your finally here shitty-glasses. About time, I want to talk to you first before you meet him." He pushes me back and closes the door behind him._

_"What do you want Levi? I'm here, so-"_

_"Shut up and listen. I don't want you asking anything about his past. He's come from a rough childhood, and it's a really sensitive subject for him okay? Anyway, I'm trying to help him forget about everything that happened to him, so I would really like your cooperation on this." He states, looking directly into my eyes._

_I gape my mouth open at his words, "What happened Levi? You can't just tell me this and not expect me to just walk in there not knowing!"_

_He looks away and sighs, "He'll tell you himself when he's ready. It took him awhile to open up to me about it, and it was reall hard fo him when he did. It's his business and it's up to him if he wants to tell you. I'm not going to force him into it either. I want him to be as happy as I am. So don't bother him about it, got it glasses?"_

_I frown, but nod reluctantly. "Fine Levi, but I 'm not happy about it."_

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><p><em>At dinner I was suprised by how happy and friendly this Eren was. He asked me what kind of things I do for a living, and listened to all my intrests and hobbies. I told him about my experiments and Mike, and he iquired occasionally. Levi was quiet for once through my lectures, gazing intently on Eren's reactions. His eyes looking like he was ready for Eren to break down. But not once did Eren stop smiling, and that really surprised me. <em>

_After dinner was over and I was getting ready to leave, Eren pulled me into a hug. He said he was glad he got to meet me, and hoped he could meet Mike soon. He wished me luck on my experiments, and left me alone to talk to Levi alone outside the door once more._

_"So, what do you think of him?" _

_I look closely at Levi, "I don't understand you. You are actually caring about this kid, and I saw how you were looking at him at dinner. He was interesting, and I was surprised by his interest in me."_

_He nods, "He was nervous about making a good impression on you before you arrived. I told him to just act normal, and you would like him."_

_His eyes narrow at me, "So what's your impression of him? Do you like him?"_

_I look at him in shock, he's asking for my opinion?_

_"Well...I think he's really kind and an upbeat person. I think he'll be good for you, but I'm still a little worried Levi. I don't want you to get hurt again."_

_He sighs loudly, "Will you stop worrying about me already?"_

_"Actually...I'm worried that I'll be the one hurting him instead Hanji. He makes me so happy, but sometimes he'll get so sad and I don't know how to make him as happy as he makes me. I'm afraid that I'll accidently hurt him. But I can't let him go, I've fallen so hard for this brat Hanji."_

_I pull him close and hold him, "I won't let you hurt him Levi. If you really want a relationship with him, then go ahead."_

_He smiles, "Thanks Hanji."_

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><p>I lean against Levi, and pull him close. He doesn't respond to the touch, but after a few minuets he lays his head on my shoulder.<p>

"You promised you wouldn't let me hurt him...You promised..." He says, and my chests constricts at his words.

I did promise, and I broke that promise.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow, my brain is really getting muddled. but I did a little backstory, and Erwin appearance next~! next chapter will be a Levi POV again, but after that it sould be back to Eren and another backstory with it! Thanks for reading, and I'll post as soon as possible!<strong>


	9. Levi's Confession

**Okay, I saw way too many mistakes, and I'm really sorry about that anyway, Levi POV, and then next chapter will be Eren~!**

* * *

><p>I don't see the people around me, or hear the silence of the room, or the warmth coming from the body next to me. All I can see is Eren covered in blood, hear his last words to me, and feel the warmth leave him.<p>

_All I can remember is him dying in my arms, all because of me._

"Levi."

I look up at the voice that sounds so familiar, but it's not the person I want to see.

"What happened Levi?" Erwin asks me, kneeling down in front of me. He places a hand on my knee and squeezes a little. "Tell me everything."

I take a shuddering breath, and start from the moment I met Eren.

* * *

><p><em>I was heading back to my apartment, taking a shortcut through an alley since I didn't want to deal with the throng of people on the sidewalk. It's always this busy this time of day, when the sun starts to set behind the skyscrapers. I pull my jacket a little tighter around me as a nippy breeze flows down the alley. 'Why is it so cold in the city?'<em>

_I turn around the corner only to be met with the sight of someone being attacked and mugged. My first thought was to just turn the other way and leave, but something pulled me closer to the scene._

_"Please sir, stop! I don't have any money!" I hear him plead with his attacker, only to be answered with a slap across the face. I cringe when he hits his head against the wall, then slump to the ground. The man laughs and wraps his hand around his throat, pulling him up by the neck. "I don't care brat, I'll make sure that you remember to never come down to my alley ever again. You'll never leave here, do you hear me?" He slams his head against the wall, and I hear a crack echo around me. _

_I can't remember much of what happened after that, only that the man was limping away from me and I was clutching the stranger to me. I pressed a hand against the wound that was bleeding under my fingers as I called my friend Hanji._

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble sir. I would really like to make it up to you!" <em>

_I wave my hand at him, "Forget about it kid, and my names Levi by the way."_

_He smiles at me, "Eren, and don't think I won't find a way to pay you back for helping me out Levi."_

_I smirk at his determined look, "You should be more worried about that head of yours."_

_He laughs at me," Oh, don't worry about that. I heal quickly, so I'm sure it's all better by now."_

_I frown, "There's no way kid, you cracked your skull. Your lucky you don't have a concussion."_

_He shrugs at me, "Doesn't matter, I heal quickly anyway. It's always been like that."_

* * *

><p><em>I sit across from him in a local diner that's close to both of our places. I finally agreed to let him treat me to lunch, but only to get some answers. It's been about a month since I saved him from his attacker, and I've learned a few things about him. He was right that he healed quickly, but it had seemed that he wasn't giving me the whole story. So hear I am, letting him treat me so I can get the answers I want.<em>

_"How can you heal so quickly? Don't try to avoid the question, you owe me a few answers Eren." I start, propping my head on my hands._

_He sighs really loud, "Do we really have to talk about that? I told you already!"_

_I shake my head in disagreement, "No, you gave me flimsy excuses. I want you to be completely honest with me here Eren. You can trust me you know, I saved your life."_

_He takes a sip of his iced carmel mocha, putting off answering me for as long as possible. I stare him down, tapping my foot in impatience._

_After a few minutes he sighs in defeat, "Fine I'll tell you."_

_I smirk in victory, "Go on."_

_He takes a deep breath before speaking, "When I was younger , I lived with my parents. My father was a scientist, and worked on a lot of experiments. Sometimes he would let me see or help in some of them. When I was ten, my father injected me with a serum. He said that is was a test to see if he could create a stronger human. It was the absolute worst experience I've ever had, Levi."_

_"It didn't just let me heal quickly from cuts and scrapes, I could regenerate whole limbs. He tortured me, and did things to me that was.." My eyes widen in shock at his words and watch as the smiling person in front of me blink away tears. "He created a monster. I'm a monster, Levi."_

_I reach out to him and hold his face in my hand, "Your not a monster, Eren. You are a person just like everyone else. You feel the same way as everyone else. You are not a monster, do you hear me? The only monster is your father."_

_He tries to pull away from me, and I lean over the table to put my face right in front of his. "Are you saying that I'm in love with a moster? I love a boy named Eren, not a monster."_

_His eyes widen at my words and blushes violently, I chuckle at his response. I lean forward, brushing my lips against his softly._

* * *

><p><em>"<strong>Is this Levi?<strong>" The caller asks me._

_"Who am I talking to?" I reply back, stirring dinner around so it wouldn't burn._

_"**I'm assuming I'm talking to Levi?**" _

_"who the fuck are you, I'm cooking dinner and I don't have time for this shit." I turn off the stove and lean against the wall, "Talk."_

_"**For someone who is dating my monster of a son, your not very friendly.**"_

_I gape, and then seethe in disgust, "Who is this?"_

_"**Someone you should get used to talking to if you want me to continue to stay away from my son.**"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"**I need some...things to be done, and it involves Eren. I'm sure he's told you what I did to him.**"_

_"Your not going to get anything!"_

_"**Ah, but I think I will. You see, I really could care less if he died. But you, on the otherhand from my observations, have grown quite attached to my son. All I need are weekly reports of his behavior when put in certain situations. We both are already aware of his healing abilities, but I want to know what he can mentally and emotionally handle when put in a situation that isn't favorable.**"_

_"And what makes you think I would agree to anything like that?"_

_"**I said earlier that Eren will die if you don't agree. It wouldn't be for very long, and I would promise never to bother you after I collected my information.**"_

_I stay quiet, mulling over my choices._

_"**I don't have all day Levi, and neither does Eren.**"_

_I sigh sadly in defeat, "What do you want me to do?"_

* * *

><p><em>I curse as I sip the beer in my hand, mad for agreeing to Grisha's terms. i could only hope that Eren wouldn't hate me after all this was over. The door opens and the nightmare of a night begins.<em>

* * *

><p>After I'm done with telling him the last few months I finally stop speaking, closing my eyes against the onslaught of tear spilling over my face. "I never wanted to hurt Eren and I...I don't deserve him...or to even live anymore.."<p>

Erwin leans over and pulls me into a hug, "Levi, everything will be okay again, I promise."

Hanji joins us, and soon I'm sobbing into his chest.

* * *

><p><strong>GAH! That was alot of work, but I'm glad I got all that down! Okay, out for the rest of the weekend, see all you lovlies later~!<strong>


	10. Side-note 1

**Sorry you guys, but I probably won't have the next chapter up this week. I'm really sick, and I apologize for the inconvenience. I promise to have it up next week. Sorry!**


	11. Levi and Hanji in the Hospital

**Omg, I completely apologize for not updating in over a week! I was so sick, and now I'm having a tiny bit of trouble with the chapter that I wish to post. Frankly, I don't have a relationship with my dad, so I'm trying my hardest to get past that barrier, so yes, this is a filler chapter! Again, I apologize immensely!**

* * *

><p>Once again, I check in on how Eren's doing. I reach out to touch his cold cheek, wishing he would wake up so I could see his beautiful eyes again. The monitors continue to do their job in making sure Eren's alive, and tears well up in my eyes at the thought that I almost lost him...because of me.<p>

"Eren...I'm so sorry.." I whisper, leaning down to gently kiss his head. A tear runs down my face and drops onto him, and I wish that this had never happened.

I wish I could take back everything that had been going on between us these past few months. I wish I could take back the times that I yelled at him and abused him. I wish I could take back every blow that I dealt upon him, and every time I pushed him away.

I wish I had never taken Grisha's offer.

* * *

><p>I watch Levi as he gets up to leave Eren's room for the first time in two days. I've been really worried that Levi would do something drastic, escpecially with what happened in the past, but all I've seen is a man that is in shock and is horrified.<p>

Then blames himself for everything that happened to his lover.

"Levi," I call out, placing a hand on his arm. "Levi, it's not your fault. Please talk to me."

He shrugs my hand off, his eyes dull and bloodshot. "Fuck off Hanji."

I flinch at how cold and monotonous his voice is, and cringe at how he doesn't use his nickname for me.

I just want my friend back.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, this is so sad, but that's all I got for this filler chapter. Once again, I apologize, and I'm trying to get the real chapter up!<strong>


	12. Eren's Past-Part One

**Okay, this chapter is all back story. Don't hate me if it takes forever! Okay, I changed my mind, I can't write an affectionate father, so it's all angst, sorry! This chapter I had a little help from my friend twilightshadowminda~! she's currently writing a fanfic called The Purge.**

* * *

><p><em>I never really understood what my father saw in me. Ever since I was a child I tried my hardest to prove myself to him. Sadly, I didn't know that what he did to me was not normal, and was against the law.<br>_

_He had always seemed like a good father to me. He was nice, he complimented me, and he told me that he loved me. I was as happy as any other child. He taught me how to swim, how to fish, he took me out camping and for ice cream - everything a father should do with his son.  
><em>

_But he also had a dark side to him. He would take me into the basement and perform all sorts of experiments on me, which he insisted was for my own good. He said it would make me stronger. Smarter. I loved my father, so I believed him, and took the pain. If I didn't cry, he would congratulate me, tell me what a good son I was.  
><em>

_When I started going to school, he got a little edgy. Nervous. I know why now, but at the time I was completely clueless. About a week after we had a guest speaker, a cop, come tell us about abuse at home, he relaxed a bit.  
>I was kind of confused that day. Dad was technically hurting me, but he said he had no choice. There were things we just had to do. Was it really abuse? Afterwards he would give me treats like a visit to the park with Armin or an ice cream cone. I still loved my father, and he still treated me like he loved me.<br>_

_Until about a year later. The experiments were far more frequent, and he stopped giving me rewards. They were also painful and scary now. He said I had to trust him, and I tried. I really did. But one night, right after giving me a shot, he approached me with a scalpel and tried to cut me open.  
><em>

_I was terrified. I screamed. I tried to run, but he grabbed me and held me down on the operation table. I was crying and screaming for help as he started to cut into my stomach. It was painful and horrible. I felt like passing out.  
>Suddenly this rage overcame me. People would call it a life or death situation - fight or flight - fighting for your life - It couldn't have been any of that. I'd never been so angry. I threw him off of me in an instant. The door flew open and my mother's shouts were heard.<br>_

_The rest is just a confusing blur. When I came to my senses, I was covered in splatters of blood, and my mother was dead on the floor. I started to cry. My father swept me up in his arms. He rocked me back and forth gently for a moment as I wailed.  
><em>

_Then he suddenly threw me against the wall. It was painful, my head colliding with the ground and throbbing. He told me it was all my fault. My mother was dead because of me. However, I could make up for my sins. I could continue the experiments and help my father, and it would be the equivalent of making up for her death.  
><em>

_So I stopped resisting the treatments. I let him do whatever he wanted to me. I was a monster, a murderer.  
><em>

_I deserved this._

* * *

><p><em>After graduating and turned eighteen, I finally left my dad and the house for college. He didn't try to make me stay, instead he wished me luck. I was surprised, but I should've known he was going to do something.<em>

_I'm not a lucky person._

_When I woke up, I found myself back in the room where I was experimented on._

_But I wasn't alone._

_I looked around and saw my two best friends, Mikasa and Armin. They were tied up and gagged in front of me. Mikasa was trying to find a way to escape, while Armin was staring at me with wide eyes. _

**_Why are my friends here?_**

_The door squeaks open, and my father enters. I cringe away from him, moving closer to my friends. But he just grabs ahold of my hair and pulls me away from them. I cry out and he kicks my stomach, making me fall on my side. My friends watch me worriedly, frozen at the sight of my father hurting me._

_"I'm going to give you a little going away gift Eren, something to remember just what you are." My father says, and pulls out a syringe. I feel my body tense and my eyes turn fearful, knowing just what it was filled with._

_"No, no! Please, please I don't...I don't want to hurt them, please! Please!" I beg, trying to get as far away from him as possible._

_He pins my arm down easily, and quickly injects me as I scream in pain. My friends flinch and strain against their bonds, trying to help me. _

_"You mustn't forget what you are Eren." He whispers in my ear before getting up and leaving to room._

_I crawl over and untie my friends, then take their gags off. "You guys have to get out of here..." _

_"No! We aren't leaving without you!" Mikasa shouts, and I shake a little as the injection starts to kick in._

_"No..If you stay I'll lose control and kill you guys like..I k-killed my m-mom..." I whisper, then push myself away from them, trying to protect them a little longer._

_"No Eren, we can't!"_

_"Then fight back! Kill me...Please, I'm a monster...please.." I continue as my vision starts to go red and I shake uncontrollably. _

_Whatever words they say are lost as my mind blanks out and I completely lose control._

* * *

><p><em>"See? Your a monster, a murderer Eren. Don't forget that"<em>

_Don't forget_

_Never forget_

_I'm a monster_

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I'm splitting this chapter in two. but at least I got this much for ya guys! Sorry for the 2-week wait! <strong>


	13. Eren's Past-Part Two

**Yep, so I really have no experience with relationships, so don't hate. But yeah, let's get this done.**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>I first met Levi with him saving my life. <em>

_It was after a long day at the university, and I was just plain tired and ready to get back to my apartment. I had __accidentally turned down the wrong alley I usually take to my place, and bumped into another person._

_"Sorry," I apologize quietly, and try to go around him, only to be shoved against the wall. He breathes in my face, and I scrunch up my nose at the smell of alcohol and something rotting. I barely mange not to gag in reaction, instead I try to focus on what he's trying to say to me._

_"-astard! Now, give me your money for trespassing in my alley!" He demands and starts fumbling his hands on me. I try to push him away weakly, but I don't have enough strength._

_"Please sir, stop! I don't have any money!" I plead, and it was true. This weeks pay went towards this months rent._

_He answers me by slapping me across my face, leaving it with a red blush from the impact. He put so much force behind it that it caused my head to bang against the wall I was pinned to. I start feeling dizzy, and my legs crumple beneath me, and I slump to the ground. I hear the man laugh, and then feel his sweaty hands clamp down on my neck, and I whine a little as he drags me up by my neck._

_"I don't care brat, I'll make sure that you remember to never come down my alley ever again. You'll never leave here, do you hear me?" He breaths in my face, and I'm overcome by his stench once more as he slams me head against the wall again. My vision blackens as I hear my skull crack against the bricks, and I close my eyes as I pass out, my body falling to the ground._

* * *

><p><em>As I start waking up after what seemed like mere minutes, I can faintly hear a scuffle, and the sound of flesh hitting flesh. Then after another minute I distinctly hear the sound of whimpering and dragging, slowly growing smaller. As I slowly start to wake up, I can know tell that someone is holding me, and talking to someone else on their cell phone. I start to tense up, thinking that they were going to do something to me. I mean, wouldn't anyone be thinking the same thing if they were in my position?<em>

_"Hey, it's okay. I got you, your going to be just fine." I hear the strangers voice try to calm me down. His dark and mysterious voice was laced with concern and truthful. _

_"Who are you?" I manage to get out after a few failed attempts to speak, and he sighs a little, maybe in exasperation._

_"I'm taking you to my place a few blocks away from here, and my friend is going to check your head and get you all fixed up. I'm not going to hurt you, and neither is my friend, we want to help you, okay?" He asks me, and by the way my body feels I decide that I had no other choice in the matter._

_"Okay..I trust you," I answer after a few minutes, and close my eyes as the pain starts to become too much again, and I black out once more._

* * *

><p><em>"Hanji, he's going to be alright? He was bleeding pretty heavily, and I'm pretty sure that the guy cracked his skull."<em>

_"Levi, I'm completely sure! The skull has no sign of being damaged at all! and the bleeding has already stopped as well." I hear someone say in response to what must be the stranger that helped me._

_Indeed, my secret ability has probably already finished healing me. I slowly start to move, testing my body to see if it was completely ready to get up and leave. The voices stop talking and I feel a hand rest against my cheek, and the voice that addresses me is unusually soft._

_"Hey kid, how are you feeling?" The stranger, Levi I think, asks me. I finally open my eyes and he pulls his hand away from me._

_"I'm fine," I say, and try sitting up. _

_"Levi, I'll take my leave." I hear someone say, and he dismisses them._

_"Hey, I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble sir. I would really like to make it up to you!"_

_He waves his hand at me, "Forget about it kid, and my names Levi by the way."_

_I smile at him, "Eren, and don't think I won't find a way to pay you back for helping me out Levi."_

_He smirks at me, "You should be more worried about that head of yours."_

_I laugh," Oh, don't worry about that. I heal quickly, so I'm sure it's all better by now."_

_He frowns deeply at me, "There's no way kid, you cracked your skull. Your lucky you don't have a concussion."_

_I shrug, "Doesn't matter, I heal quickly anyway. It's always been like that."_

_He keeps frowning at me, his eyes staring at me intently as if he was studying me. I squirm under his gaze, unused to all the attention he was giving me. He notices my distress, and quickly stands up._

_"Are you hungry?" He asks me, and moves towards the door, giving room for me to finally get up from what must be his bed. I nod a little, and he quickly leaves me alone in the room. I sigh quietly, glad that I finally had a moment to myself to think over everything that had happened in the past few hours. Which made me wonder just what time it was. _

_I look around the room for the first time, and quickly locate an alarm clock on the side table, and it read 9:37 pm. I got off of class at seven, which meant that I was only out for about two and a half hours. Strange, I usually healed slower than that. Maybe my body and the ability are growing stronger and making me heal faster than what I normally did. I don't even have to say that at the speed I heal is even more accelerated than everyone else's. _

_I have still been out and away from my apartment for longer than I normally am, but it's not like I have anyone waiting for me to return there. But I shouldn't intrude on Levi's hospitality any more than I already have, though I do wish I could thank him for helping me and making sure I was safe as I healed._

_I get out of the bed, and pull the blankets back up. Then I leave the room and head down the hall to where a light was emitting from a room that I figured must be the kitchen. When I reach the doorway, I'm greeted with the sight of Levi stretching as far as he can to reach something in a cabinet. I chuckle at the sight and grab it easily, and then hand it to a scowling Levi._

_"I would've grabbed that." he mutters, and turns back to what was cooking on the stove. _

_I grin widely, and look over him to look closer at what he was making, not recognizing what he was making. "What are you making?"_

_"Quiche, I'm not making anything else, so you'll just have to eat this. I don't have time and I don't want to waste my energy in making something else." He comments, and slides the dish into the oven._

_"I've never had it before, but I'm willing to try new things." I reply, and look around the kitchen to get a feel for my surroundings._

_Being a small kitchen overall, I'm surprised by just how big and spacious it 's kitchen has a sleek modern feel, with a dark forest green back splash on dark cabinets and white marble counter tops. Do I see stainless steel appliances? Yes, yes I do._

_"Wow, you have a nice place," I compliment him, feeling a pang of jealousy because his places is loads more attractive than mine._

_"Only because I own this place and fixed it up to make it more appealing." He answers, and looks over at me from where he's leaning against the counter. With his posture I can see how lean and fit he is, compared to my scrawny and unnaturally thin self. I subconsciously wrap my arms around myself to try and hide myself from his eyes. His eyes flicker with concern, but it's gone before I know it. _

_Go sit down, I'll bring the food in there when I'm done." he tells me, and I turn away and head to where he's pointing._

* * *

><p><em>"You've done so much for me Levi, can I at least treat you to lunch? I swear, if you don't want to spend anymore time with me after that I won't bother you anymore! I just want to make it up to you, so please let me Levi." I plead, trying to get through Levi's stern gaze. His eyes widen when I mention that he doesn't have to see me anymore, but quickly return to normal.<em>

_"Fine brat, as long as you answer some questions I want to ask." he relents, and I mentally fist pump. We just finished eating Levi's Quiche, and I swear it is now one of my favorite dishes. He shows me to the door, and I linger a little longer than necessary saying goodbye. It's not like I want to go back to my place, I'll just break down and do something stupid like I always do, not to mention that the man who attacked me reminded me so much of my father._

_Just thinking about my father lowers my self esteem, and Levi must have sensed a change in me because his eyes soften and he rests his hand gently on my soldier. "Hey, be safe okay? I'll see you for lunch tomorrow." He says softly, and I'm surprised by how tender he sounds. I nod and turn away, thanking him once more._

* * *

><p><strong>Dammit, I'm so exhausted from class and everything, but this is one of my longer chapters. I have so much I want to write about that happens with Eren and Levi, so my original plan with 2 parts is scrapped. So enjoy this little vacation into their past for awhile, because I'm putting alot of time to make it realistic~! Anyways, thank you guys so much, I love you all, and Happy Halloween!<strong>


	14. Eren's Past-Part Three

**Okay, so I'm feeling a little better about these next chapters because now we're back in an element that I'm completely familiar with! I already wrote the scene where Eren tells Levi about what his father did to him, so I'm starting with after that. this will include more confessions to Levi. Enjoy~**

* * *

><p><em>After telling Levi about my past, I don't see him for the next few days since he still has work and I still have to go to class. I was attacked on Monday, which really made my day already worse since Mondays overall are really shitty days. I had no plans outside of going to class, but I guess with being alone all the time I just couldn't bring myself to go over to his place. We had exchanged numbers after our lunch together, but I have yet to call him. I find myself having the same nightmares and fears haunting me like nothing had changed. I lost sleep and ate less, losing sight of why I even was trying to create a life when I've taken away the lives of the ones that I had held so close to my heart. I was a broken mess, with no hope to recover. <em>

_With everything pressing me down, I hit my lowest point since I was still living with my father. I started skipping class, and spent more time drowning my feelings with a blade. I stopped sleeping and eating altogether, as well as stopped going out of my apartment. I secluded myself with my thoughts and let the guilt of being such a monster drag me away from the light that I had found. I stopped trying to live, I just gave up on myself._

_But then a crack in the black world that I had created around myself changed when Levi decided to come over._

_We had decided that since I knew where he lived that I would give him my address as well, and about a week after I last saw him, he was knocking on my door. I was in the bathroom, in the middle of adding new lines to the already scarred canvas that was my arms and thighs. He called out my name, and knocked a few more times after I ignored the world. I was lost in the feel of the life escaping my worthless body to even try and get up. I heard him enter my apartment, and cursed my rotten luck of not locking the door. _

_I didn't want him to see me like this, I didn't want him to see just how lost and worthless I was. I didn't want him to see just how much I had given up, how lifeless I was. But sadly fate has a way of going against your wishes, and there he was kneeling in front of me. He eyes were full of shock, and he tried to pull the blade away from me. I let him take it, I was so overcome with everything that I couldn't even fight it if I had wanted to. He tries to talk to me, ask me what happened, anything. I just ignored him and watched as he tried to stop the bleeding. But the wounds were already closing up, just proof of how much of a monster I was. _

_I was a monster._

* * *

><p><em>I guess that I passed out after Levi found me, because the next time I opened my eyes I was tucked into my own bed, not on the bathroom floor surrounded by my own puddle of blood. I blink a couple of times, trying to see with all the sunlight pouring in through my usually closed and shaded window. I pull an arm over my eyes, only to catch sight of white gauze completely wrapping around my arm. It was spotted with droplets of blood, and I sigh out loud at the wasted effort used on me.<em>

_ Little that I know that I wasn't alone in the room, at least until I heard someone clear their throat, and my eyes shot up to see Levi sitting in a chair by the door, staring narrowly at me with a hint of anger in his eyes. Guilt hits me hard at the thought that he found me like that, and had to deal with cleaning me and probably the mess that I left behind in the bathroom, and just generally finding me in the first place. If he had never helped me in the alley in the first place I still would've healed and never had to deal with him at all. But I guess another part of me is happy that I did, the part of me that wishes someone would take the time to fix my broken soul._

_"What did you think you were doing?" He asks me, and I think about what all had transpired over the past couple days and shrug at his question. Most of the time I really didn't know what I was doing, except knowing that whatever I did helped ease the pain._

_"Let me ask another question: What the hell made you feel like almost killing yourself?" _

_"I would've healed before I died," I automatically reply, and it's true. With my accelerated healing all of my wounds that I inflicted upon myself have already healed withing minutes of me creating them, I was never in danger of bleeding out. Of course if I had been able to continue, and never stop..._

_"That doesn't change that fact that you were hurting yourself Eren! Why the fuck would you do something like that! Don't you even realize just how much that would impact the people that care about you?" He yells at me, and a silent fury starts to build up behind my eyes at his words, and soon I'm yelling right back at him._

_"What do you mean by the people that care about me? There is no one to care! I killed my mother when I was a child! I killed my best friends after we had just graduated! My father was the one that made me a monster! I have absolutely no one in my life that gives a flying fuck about me anymore! I should be dead! I should be dead for killing the only ones that actually cared about me, but yet I'm still alive! I don't deserve to be alive Levi!"_

_His eyes widen at the mention of me killing people, then soften in sympathy. "Eren, I care about you. I care if your alive or not. Your not alone, not anymore, okay? Let me help, please don't think like that. I love-"_

_"No Levi, don't say you love me! How can you love ME, a MONSTER?" I yell at him, and clench my fist tightly._

_"BECAUSE YOUR NOT A MONSTER!" He yells back, and sits upright in his chair._

_I shake my head, not believing a word he says. How can he know if I'm a monster or not? He doesn't know anything about me! He's just a random stranger that helped me out twice now, he doesn't know what I've done, he doesn't know me at all._

_"Dammit Eren, I know you probably think that I don't know what's going on in your head or what your going through. I haven't, but I've been in a similar situation. Please just hear me out Eren, please." He pleads, and I shake my head. I don't want to hear any more about him, I don't want to get close to him, because then I'll hurt him and lose him just like I lost everyone else._

_"Please leave Levi, I don't want you here." I coldly tell him, and he flinches at my words. My heart tries to make me get up and hold him, apologize for being so cold and let him fix me. But I don't deserve him, I don't deserve to be fixed._

_"I'm not going to leave you here alone Eren, but I can let someone else be here to keep an eye on you. But I really would rather be the person to be here and help you. You might tell me that you don't want my help, but I know that another part of you is desperate to be fixed. Please, Eren let me help you, please." He's up and moving towards me, then grabs ahold of my hand. The hand that had just held the blade only an hour before._

_Do I really want him to help me? Do I really want to see just how broken and hopeless I am? _

_I decide not to answer him, but he takes that as a yes. He climbs in beside me, and wraps his arms around me. I curl into him, and he holds me against himself tightly. I don't say anything, and neither does he. A part of me just wants to push him away, but a stronger part of me just wants to let him hold me in a way I haven't let anyone in years. I realize just how lonely I've been feeling, and how secluded I've made myself since I lost...Killed my best friends. _

_"I'm sorry Levi," I whisper, my eyes fluttering in exhaustion. He sighs and gently rubs my back with a free hand, "You don't have to be sorry Eren, just rest. I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here when your ready to join the living."_

_I smile a little at his words. No, his promise. _

_"Thanks Levi, I love you."_

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><p><em>The next time I get up, I feel much better than the last time I was awake. The sun is setting outside the window, and I slowly rub the sleep out of my eyes only to find that I'm partly being held down. I look over and see Levi quietly sleeping beside me. His face is the most peaceful I've ever seen him. There's no worry or stress lines etched on his face, and he looks so much younger. With my unpinned arm, I gently stroke his cheek in fascination at how smooth his skin feels under my fingers. He stirs a little at my touch, and I pull away not wanting to wake him from what must be much needed rest. I yawn quietly, and slowly make my way out of bed. As I slowly try to get out, I feel a hand reach out and clasp my arm tightly. I turn and see Levi wide awake and looking at me intently.<em>

_"Where are you going?" He asks me, and I smile at the concern in his voice._

_"I'm going to make us some breakfast, I feel so much better than I did earlier."_

_He smiles a bit, and his eyes flood with relief. I laugh lightly, "I think I'm ready to join the living again, thanks to you."_

_He closes his eyes and slowly let's go of me, "I'm glad Eren, I don't know what I would do If I lost you."_

_I lean over and place a feather kiss on his cheek, "I'm not going anywhere, I want to be with you Levi. Thank you so much for being here with me."_

_"I love you Eren," he whispers as he starts to fall asleep once more._

_"I love you too Levi, sleep well." I reply, and head to the kitchen to make breakfast._

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><p><strong>Boom, Angst everywhere! I added a little fluff to make it a little easier to process, and I'm so glad that this got done in two days! plus over 2K words! The longest chapter so far~! How you all enjoyed, and I will update soon!<strong>


	15. Eren's Past-Part Four

**Abusing Love is now available on Wattpad!**

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><p><em>Levi didn't leave me alone after that. I'm sure that he had other motives for moving into my apartment other than my place was closer to his work than his own place. I know for a fact that him finding me like that scared the shit out of him, and he probably thinks if he's around then I'll never do something like that again. He said that he didn't get rid of his place, since his roommate still needs somewhere to stay he gave it to him since they were close friends. He said he hoped I would never meet him, but probably will anyway.<em>

_It's been a whole month since Levi moved in, and I honestly am suffering a little and everything is going back to before. I'll look at my forearms to find that the scars have disappeared finally, and it's just begging me to rip it open once more. I haven't dared to fall back into my habits with Levi so close and watchful, and everyday my resistance and will deteriorate. I wonder just how much longer I can last until my mind finally gives in to my desires._

_Lately Levi's been saying close to me as often as he can, as if he can tell that I'm getting close to my breaking point. He tries to distract me from my thoughts, taking me out and making me help him cook constantly. He also makes me help clean on a daily basis to his standards, which is up and beyond my own. He even tries to get me to engage in conversations with him on random topics, anything to try and make me feel better. I just wish I could do for him what he does for me, pay him back for putting so much effort to protect me from myself. So I keep fighting the feeling of falling and the dark depressing thoughts. I try to make an effort in my life by going back to class and focusing on my class work._

_I try, but it's not enough anymore._

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><p><em>"Eren, what's wrong? You've been quiet since you got back from class, what's on your mind?" Levi throws me a slight glare that is ruined by the concern in his eyes.<em>

_"Nothing, why are you worried about me? I'm fine Levi." I monotonously reply, picking at my food that stinks and makes me want to gag._

_"Your not eating, and it's your favorite." He's right, I've been on a mac-n-cheese kick lately and his is the bomb. But today I just can even bring myself to eat a bite._

_"I'm not hungry."_

_"You need to eat Eren."_

_"Why? I don't need to do anything Levi! I just want to go to my room." I state plainly._

_His breath hitches a little, and then he sighs. "Eren, please just eat for me?"_

_I slam my hands down on the table, making him flinch a little. "No Levi! Your not going to guilt trip me into eating! You can't make me do anything! I'm not hungry, I don't want to eat!" I get up then and leave the room with him struggling to follow me. I was done with him trying to fix me, I was done with him interfering with everything I do._

_I was tired of him._

_"I won't make you do anything Eren, I love you. I'm just worried a little okay?" He tries to plead with me. Why does he stay? Why does he try so hard?_

_"You don't even know really anything about me Levi, nor do I know anything about you. I don't even understand why you stay when obviously I can't be fixed." I quietly say, entering my room not caring that he followed me in. I flop onto my bed and curl into a ball, he sits on the edge and gently rubs my back in a circular motion. I hide my face in my blankets, not caring that I could barely breathe. He's quiet for awhile before he speaks to me._

_"Maybe I should tell you about myself then, would that make you feel better? Then you can tell me more about yourself if you want. I won't force you to listen or share anything with me, but I owe you at least my history."_

_I unbury my head to stare at him, my face asking if we was serious. He's never mentioned anything about himself or his past before, and I never questioned it since I was holding things back myself. He makes eye contact with me before he takes a deep breath._

_"Almost three years ago, I found myself in a similar state that you are in now. Of course it was nothing like what your going through, but for me it was a really low point in my life. I was attending the same university you are now, and I had my first real relationship with a girl. Her name was Petra Ral."/_

_"I found myself so in love with her, and never wanted to lose her. But I didn't understand then what all a relationship was. I didn't give her enough attention, nor talked to her on a daily basis. I never knew that I was being cheated on until I had went to see her, and found her sleeping with another man."_

_He chuckles sadly, "I guess it was my fault I was so blind as to what was going on, or saw that what I thought we had between us wasn't real. I walked away and she didn't even call me to come back. I had lost her to someone else because I was so stupid."_

_"I ended up for a few weeks acting like you are now, lost and broken because I lost the girl I thought I loved. I almost died if it wasn't for Hanji, and sometimes I still think I didn't deserve to be saved. Hanji tried to help me, never giving up on me. She stayed right by my side no matter how much I tried to push her away. Since I met you, I found that I'm actually quite thankful that she never gave up, because then I would've never met you."_

_He pulls me close, and he rests his head against mine whispering in my ear. "I know you think that you don't want my help, but I'm never going to give up on you Eren. Nothing is your fault, you are a great person. I may not know what you've done, and I might never will. But who you choose to be now is all that matters, and your not a bad person Eren. I love you for who you are, no matter what you've done in the past. The past is the past, and it should stay in the past."_

_It takes me a few moments to respond, my voice all cracked. "I don't want to hurt you."_

_He squeezes me a little, "You will never hurt me Eren. I promise."_

_"emI close my eyes a bit, and barely hear his next words. "I don't want to hurt you either Eren."_

_"You won't hurt me Levi."_

_He smiles, and I snuggle into him, inhaling him completely to calm my erratic nerves. It starts working, and I slowly doze off._


	16. A Stubborn Levi: Eren's Awake!

**Sorry about not posting the chapter Saturday, but here's the next~ Back to what's going on at the hospital! Oh, Levi POV!**

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><p>It's been a few days since Eren was admitted to the hospital, and he's been healing at a normal rate which scares me. He's always healed faster after every injury, and that makes me wonder if it's my fault that he's not healing like he was. Did I somehow make him like this?<p>

Wait, of course I did. If it wasn't for me, Eren wouldn't have tried to kill himself even though he already knows that he couldn't possibly die. It's my fault that he's even here in the first place.

I haven't bothered to leave his side except for the bathroom, and I barely eat except for what Hanji and Erwin manage to get down my throat. I couldn't bear to leave him even after coming to the fact that I was the one who put him here. I'm waiting for him to wake up so I could apologize for everything I've done.

If he would just wake up and open his eyes, I could fix this at least a little.

But no matter what we try, Eren hasn't stirred once since we got here. In a normal situation, Eren should've woken up two days ago. This is not a normal situation, which means he should've woken up much sooner than that. I'm worried that he'll never wake up, and I'll never see his teal-jeweled eyes ever again.

Hanji came in and told me Erwin wanted me to eat lunch with him, so I got up and left the room. I don't think me being in the room was of any use, but it made me feel less stressed since I could hear Eren's heartbeat from his monitor. Just knowing that he was alive helped a little.

When I enter the cafeteria, Erwin immediately motions me to join him in a corner of the room. I'm thankful that he knows I don't want to be around others, and quickly join him. I notice that he has already prepared food for me, and I scowl.

"Levi, you have to eat." He says, and pushes the food towards me.

"No, I don't. Your not going to make me either." I push the food back towards him, and lean away from the table.

He sighs at my stubbornness. "Levi, it's not good for you to keep acting like this."

I glare sharply at him, cursing at him for mentioning Eren. "Who knows what he wants. It's my fault that he's hurt and there's probably no way in hell that he wants to be around me when he finally wakes up."

He looks at me with a guilty look like he wounded an animal. God, I hate how he pities me. I brought this upon myself, I deserve Eren hating me. I never even deserved him to begin with.

"Levi, you know that both me and Hanji don't believe that for one second."

I look away from him, "Hanji promised me that she wouldn't let me hurt Eren, yet here we are."

Erwin gives me a disapproving glare that emphasizes his overly large eyebrows, "Levi, Hanji feels just as responsible as you., Hell, we all do."

He leans over ad presses one of his enormous hands on my crossed arms. I shrug them off and stand up.

"Levi, please!" Erwin stands as well, but at that moment Hanji decides to burst into the cafeteria.

"EREN'S AWAKE!" She proclaims at the top of her lungs, causing everyone in the room to look at her strangely.

Erwin, Hanji and I sprint out of the cafeteria and head straight back to Eren's room. We make it there before the doctor shows up, and I slam the door open, startling a confused Eren.

"What the hell?" I hear Eren say, and I tackle him and hold him close to me before I whisper in his ear.

"Eren, I'm so sorry! Please don't leave me, I'll tell you everything! I'm so sorry Eren!"

He pats my back, and I hear him sniff. "Please don't cry Eren, please," I beg. Yes, the stark cold Levi Ackerman is begging.

He pulls me in closer and nods. "I'm not going anywhere Levi, I'm sorry."

At his words all the guilt that has plagued me since Grisha's first phone call starts to overflow all my senses, and for the first time in a while I cry.

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><p><strong>Okay, this is a fairly short chapter, and I profusely apologize. Please just accept this as a gift to you and I promise to have more for you next week!<strong>


	17. Eren's Past: Part Five

**Here's another chapter, little plot help but relevant. Enjoy~**

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><p><em>After my outburst and Levi's little backstory, things were a bit tense between us, and it worried me. I didn't know anything about Levi, yet he was willing to share with me a little bit of his past after my episode. It kind of made me feel a little guilty, not telling him something about myself in return. He said not to worry about it and that it was fine if I didn't tell him. Sooner or later, though, I'm bound to tell him everything. Not because of obligation, but because he deserved to know just who I am. So... so he can decide if he wants to be around a monster.<em>

_But where should I even begin? There's not a good place in my past to start from. It was never good to begin with. My whole life has been dictated by my father and his experiments, even after I left. Even now I'm afraid he'll come for me just to torture me once more._

_So, one night, I decided to ask Levi what he wanted to know about me over dinner._

_"Hey Levi?" I say, His grey eyes immediately fall upon me._

_"What is it, Eren?" He asks cautiously._

_I take a minute to calm myself before I continued. "What do you want to know about me?"_

_He looks at me, confused for a moment before he finally understands what I'm talking about. "Eren, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."_

_I huff at his words. Typical Levi._

_"I want to tell you, I just don't know where to start," I say._

_He nods at me and sighs. "Alright, then tell me about the happiest memories."_

_I take a moment, trying to recall a happy memory that wasn't destroyed by remnants of pain. It takes me longer than it should have, but I finally remember something._

_I take a deep breath before I start. "When I was about six, I was at home with my mom helping her cook dinner."_

_I smile a little. "She was worried that the food wouldn't be done in time, so she sent me to the garden to grab ingredients for a salad. I was carefully harvesting the carrots, and found that a rabbit had joined me and was nibbling on another carrot that it had stole from the patch. I sat back and watched it for a while, entranced with the way it was eating and watching me at the same time. Soon my mother came looking for me, and found me watching the rabbit. She didn't yell at me, instead she sat down beside me and silently watched the rabbit with me. We probably sat there for a good half hour before the rabbit left, and then she turned to me and hugged me close to her, telling me how much she loved me."_

_After I finished with my little story, I looked at Levi and tried to gauge his reaction and what he was thinking. After a considerable amount of time spent in silence, Levi finally spoke._

_"Your mother loved you, Eren, and so do I. I will be here for you, even if you want to push me away. Little things like that memory is going to help you realize just how much others care about you."_

_"I'm not going to give up on you, Eren, and maybe soon we can talk about everything else. I'm not going to rush you."_

_I smile at his words, and feel a hint of tears welling up in my eyes. "Thanks, Levi. That means so much to me. Really, it does."_

_He smiles back, and we return to eating._

_"Thanks for sharing that with me, Eren."_

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><p><strong><em>"Eren, come here" My father commands me. I tremble in fear of what he plans to do to me this time. <em>**

**_"Please don't hurt me father, please-" I cry out as he slaps me across my face, and my skin is tinged red. I fall back as I press a hand to my face and start crying. I finch as he picks me up and drags me to the table, then he starts to apply the braces to different parts of my body. After I'm completely restrained, he injects me with a _****_serum. I cry out once more as my body throbs with pain and the feeling f being burned from the inside. I struggle to get out of my restraints, but to no avail. I look to the side and see that my father was staring at me, observing me and my reactions with a sicking look in his eyes._**

**_"Your a monster Eren, you deserve this."_**

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><p><em>"Eren, wake up!" I hear Levi shout, and feel him shaking me. I bolt up in bed, and realize that I was screaming. I immediately close my mouth to cut off the horrid sound and then bury my face in my arms, pulling my body into the fetal position. I feel my body shake and quietly sob at the memory that was my nightmare. <em>

_I feel a hand on my back and finch away, "Don't touch me!" Instantly the hand is removed, replace by a voice whispering close to my ear trying to calm me down and assure me. Why did I think that it was okay? My life is not normal, I'm not normal._

_I'm a monster._

_"Eren, everything's alright. Your safe, just calm down okay? Take deep breaths Eren. Eren, can you hear me?" I hear him say, but it takes me a few minutes to calm down enough to say anything. Even after, I don't say anything as he sits back to give me space. Neither of us say anything for a few moments._

_"I'm sorry for waking you up Levi, I'm fine now," I apologize, looking at him._

_He shakes his head at me, "It's alright, but can you tell me what happened that got you so upset?"_

_I shake my head, but then nod once, "I was dreaming of my past."_

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><p><strong>Okay, I really hate to end it here, but I'm due for an update. Next chapter will be Eren telling Levi everything, and then events leading up to Levi abusing Eren. This fic is feeling about halfway done, but I may be wrong seeing as I keep stretching things out. Thank you for the continued support, and I'll see you all next week! Feel free to review this with suggestions, or PM me. Right now I'm also helping Twilightshadowmidna's The Purge, which I wish all of you to read as well! Bye bye~<strong>


	18. Side-note 2

**Dammit. I am out of town for the break, and I thought I had packed the notebook that had the next chapter in it but it seems like I left it at home. I will have to post the chapter as soon as I get back home. I apologize for the inconvenience and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! **


	19. Eren's Past: Part Six

_Levi didn't question me after I had answered him, instead he told me to try and sleep a little longer while he went and started breakfast. I agreed with him for once since I hadn't been sleeping very well lately, though I thought it was a bit unfair to Levi that I was taking what little sleep he had gotten away from him. He tucked me back under the covers and stayed by me until I fell back asleep. Thankfully, no nightmares plagued me for the rest of the night._

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><p><em>When I woke up an hour and a half later with the sun peaking through the windows, I breathed in the air that was laced with the smell of sausage and bacon coming from the crack under my door. I got up and left the room, following the mouthwatering aroma to the kitchen where Levi was <em>_standing in front of the stove cooking. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, resting my chin on his raven-haired head. We stayed like that for a few minutes, Levi flipping the food over to finish cooking the meat. soon I decided to get plates for us, loading them with eggs from a different pan on the stove. Then I went to set the table while Levi loaded the plates with the sizzling hot meat. I sat down in the breakfast nook, followed by Levi setting the plates down in front of us before joining me. We ate in comfortable silence, which was fine for the both of us. For the moment, everything seemed normal._

_We finished in a few minutes and I helped Levi clean up, drying the dishes while he washed them. His cleaning standards were way above my own, so I let him do most of the cleaning in the apartment to make him happy. After we finished, Levi led me by the hand into the living room, and I knew he was ready to question me. He deserved to know, so Io wasn't planning on staying silent. I've kept my past secret for so long and I'm tired. He had me sit beside him on the couch, never letting go of my hand, instead gripping my hand firmer to reassure me._

_"Eren, do you feel comfortable telling me?" he asks, and I nod._

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><p><strong>okay, fuck my life. I'm posting this chapter as is, and I'm moving on. I'm gonna take extra time on the next chapter, since it's gonna be longer. Yes you guessed it, ABUSE TIME! Okay, bye bye~<strong>


	20. Eren's Past: Part Seven

**Ha, I'm amazing if I have a notebook by my side every minute! Here's the next chapter, which by itself is over 2k words easily! ENJOY MY LOVELIES~!**

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><p><em>It's been months since I came clean with Levi. At first, I was afraid he was going to reject and leave me when I told him I was a murderer. I was ready for him to say he couldn't stand to be around me anymore. <em>

_But he surprised me by holding me tight, telling me that nothing has changed for him, that he was still here and always will be. I was so relieved._

_For once, I wasn't alone._

_"Eren, are you going to stand there all day?"_

_I snap my head up, "Oh, sorry Mr. Pixis sir!"_

_He sighs loudly, "Just sit down so I can start class, unless you want to teach today."_

_My face goes pink as the class laughs and I hurry to my seat._

_For the first few minutes of class, everyone leaves me alone to focus on taking their notes. Even if this was only a history class, the same thing we all learned in public school, Pixis' tests are tough enough to make you focus on what he's teaching. He doesn't put normal questions on the tests, rather he focuses on insignificant events that never made an impact on history, but he swears is important._

_Sometimes I think he makes this stuff up so he can have a class to listen to him ramble on about the best wine in the seventeenth century in France and Italy._

_"Hey Eren, are you okay?" I hear Marco ask me, concerned._

_"Yeah, nothing to worry about." I assure him._

_"Right Jaeger, we're supposed to believe that after you almost failed last semester, and finally showed up for a whole week this week?" Jean sneered._

_"Shut up horseface, or I might think that you actually care." I reply, just seeing the steam coming out of his ears. I silently thank Marco for dealing with the horse before he did something stupid, again._

_"But really Eren, did something happen? It's really weird for you to be here so often after not being here at all." Connie questions, "is it because it's almost end of term?"_

_"Yeah, it's time for me to be serious about my education for once." I reply quickly, lying through my teeth. Like hell I was going to tell them the truth._

_"Well, at least Pixis isn't giving you a hard time about it. It seems he's very fond of you Eren," Sasha says._

_"Guys, let's focus on what Pixis is saying. I think he's talking about the America's!" Thomas says, and all eyes are off me once again._

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><p><em>"Eren, table two's order is in the window."<em>

_"Thanks Moblit!" I smile and clean up the dishes at another table._

_Thanks to Levi's friend Hanji, I was able to get a part time job at a local diner. There's only seven of us keeping this place running. Me, Moblit and Mina are the only servers with Eld as our only cook. Gunther is the trash guy, but mostly helps out at keeping the dishes washed up and ready. Nanaba is in charge of the register, and Hannes is the blonde man that runs this place with a little style. _

_I've only had this job for a month, but I'm grateful for having a steady income to help me keep up with all the payments I missed during my little episodes. everything I have now is because of Levi, and I could never repay him for everything he's done._

_"Eren, table two is wondering where their food is!" Mina calls out to me as I enter the kitchen._

_"I'm taking the order out now." I call back, dropping off the dishes in the sink for Gunther and washing my hands._

_"Well, hurry up! Don't want the food to get cold and make the customers unhappy!" Eld shouted, "I'm not cooking just to have it go to waste!"_

_"Don't worry, the food is on it's way out!" I grab the tray of food for table two and leave the kitchen._

_"Here you go," I tell the trio sitting at table two, setting their respectable dishes in front of them, "enjoy your meal!" I leave them, moving on with the next order._

_Most nights the place was packed, and I'm glad that for the first time in my life things were looking up._

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><p><em>"I'm home~!" I call into the apartment as I enter the door. It seemed a little unusual that not a single light was on, since Levi always got home before I did. We moved into his apartment since it was larger, and gave mine to his friend, who I met very briefly and couldn't remember his name.<em>

_"Levi?" I call out, heading to the living room to see if he had come by at all. I found him sitting on the couch, a beer sitting in front of him._

_"Levi?" I say again, and I watch as his body tenses up. I'm quickly flooded with worry and concern for Levi, finding myself kneeling down in front of him, "Levi, what's wrong?"_

_"Get away from me," he whispers and my breath hitches._

_"Levi, did something happen at work?" I ask, placing a hand on his knee._

_"I said get away from me!" His stormy eyes blaze with anger. I don't move, and he shoves me into the coffee table, causing me to slam my head down onto the glass._

_I recover quickly, standing up and turning towards him,"What the hell is your problem Levi!?"_

_He stands as well,"Your my problem, you fucking shitty brat!" He shoves me again, and I end up falling over the table smashing my head into the floor. He walks towards me, and soon he's standing right next to my head,"You never listen to me, and I'm tired of it! It's time you learned your place."_

_Then Levi, to my horror, raised his foot and kicked me right squarely in the face. My hands fly up instinctively and he kicks my open midsection. I grunt as he lands more hits on my body, not stopping until I hear a rib snap. At that point he stops, turning away to enter the bedroom and leaving me alone to clean up the mess. I pull myself up and head to the bathroom to rinse the blood off and cool down._

**_Why the hell did Levi do that? He's never hurt me before, what did I do to make him do that?_**

_Sadly, I did not have the answer at the time. As I crawled in beside him that night, he was already asleep._

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><p><em>In the morning I woke up to the feeling of Levi nuzzling against me. I was a little surprised that he was acting like that in the first place since he knew I wasn't comfortable with displays of affection. Then the memories of what happened last night emerged causing me to push him away from me in fear that he was going to hurt me again. He rolled off the bed making me cringe as his body hit the floor with a loud grunt.<em>

_"The hell?" I heard him murmur. Panicking I hid under the covers in a hopeless attempt to protect myself from his wrath._

_"Eren, did you just push me off the fucking bed?" I peek out to see where he was, yelping when I saw his head resting on top of the bed glaring daggers at me, "why the fuck did you push me off?" __I felt tears welling up, and his eyes widened in surprise,"Eren, what's wrong?" He reaches out to touch me and I flinched thinking he was going to hit me._

_"Please don't hurt me anymore, I'm sorry!" I plead, moving away from him._

_His eyes fill with hurt at my words and I look away,"oh Eren, I'm so sorry."_

_Soon I feel his arms wrap around me warmly, my body shivers slightly in response,"Eren, everything's alright, no one's hurting you." __My body goes ridged at his words._

**_What is he talking about? Doesn't he remember what happened last night?_**

_I look up and see a worried Levi staring at me,"don't you remember last night?" I ask him, he looks at me curiously._

_"Not too much, I was really tired because of work why?"_

**_Maybe he really doesn't remember. What should I do? What if something like last night happens again?_**

_"Eren? Please talk to me."_

_I shake my head mentally to clear my thoughts, **maybe last night was a one time thing. I shouldn't worry him if it won't happen again.**_

_"It's nothing Levi, just a bad dream," I say, his eyes study me closely before he sighs in relief._

_"I thought something happened to you, you had me so worried for a moment."_

_I shake my head,"sorry."_

_He let's go of me and stretches his limbs,"well, now that we're both wide awake I'll go get breakfast started," he gets up and leaves, leaving me staring after him._

**_Hopefully everything will be back to normal._**

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><p><em>For the rest of the week Levi didn't once raise a hand to hurt me. When the weekend finally arrived I felt a bit relieved, maybe that night was just a one time thing after all. But somehow it all seemed too good to be true.<em>

**_But this is Levi, he said he would never hurt me. I have no reason_ not _to believe him. I must have imagined the whole thing, my mind's got to be playing tricks on me._ _I have no marks on my body that shows that what I thought happened that night truly did happen in the first place. Curse my inhuman ability to heal quickly._**

_"Eren, what do you want to eat?" Levi asks, I quickly snap out of my thoughts. Levi decided to take me out to breakfast to celebrate going to class for a week without having an attack. It's a very cruel joke, but if it involves free food I'm in._

_"Uh, why don't you choose for me since it's your treat?" I say._

_"Tch, why don't you just order? Unless you are a helpless brat that can't decide for yourself?" He snaps._

_"Fine, and I'm not a brat!" I retort, he just smirks at me. Suddenly Levi's phone starts blaring my favorite song, he quickly answers it._

_"Who the fuck is this?" He asks, his expression changes __immediately, causing me to grow concerned._

_"Levi?" I ask quietly and he holds up a finger._

_"I'll be right back Eren, I need to take this," then he's out of his seat and heading out the door leading outside._

* * *

><p><strong>Levi's P.O.V<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Once I get outside and away from Eren's view I let my composure slip a bit,"what the hell are you calling me for? How the fuck did you even get this number you bastard?"<em>

_"**Now that's not a nice way to greet someone Levi, did I interrupt your time with my monster of a son?**" Grisha jeers at me, I clench my teeth at the gall of him calling Eren a monster._

_"Shut the fuck up about him being a monster, what do you want? I already gave you the report."_

_"**This is not just for one time, I thought I made that perfectly clear when I first contacted you.**"_

_"I'm letting him have a break."_

_"**Just that single time merits a break? A monster doesn't deserve a break in the first place.**"_

_"He's not a fucking monster! Your a monster you fucking asshole!"_

_"**Ah ah Levi, you must tread carefully if you want him to stay alive.**"_

_"Just shut the fuck up, give me the rest of the weekend with him."_

_"**You are in no **_**_position to make demands Levi._**_"_

_"The hell I'm not! Your forcing me to purposely hurt the one person I love for your own means, I think you owe me at least a weekend with him without your influence!"_

_He sighs and thinks about it for a moment, I hold my breath hopping that he'll listen to me._

_"**Fine I'll let you have this one weekend, then it's back to work. Good day Levi,**" and he hangs up._

_"Fucker."_

* * *

><p><em>I soon rejoin Eren, who immediately starts asking questions.<em>

_"Who was that? Someone from work? Is everything okay?"_

_I reach over the table, grasping his hands in mine,"everything will be okay, I promise."_

**_This weekend will be the best time we will have with __each other for awhile, and I'll try my hardest to protect you._**

**_Eren._**

* * *

><p><strong>I will get to work on writing the next chapter, so for now be safe~!<strong>


	21. Side-note 3

**God please don't hate me you guys. these two weeks are the death of me with all the tests and studying. I will not have the chapter up by tomorrow, but hopefully I can get it up sometime next week! Again, I am so very sorry!**


	22. Eren's Past: Part Eight

**Okay, let's get back to the story! sorry for taking so long!**

* * *

><p><strong>Month One<strong>

* * *

><p>Everything<em> has gone downhill this last month. I must have done something to Levi to make him treat me like this. His eyes are filled with tears everytime he hurts me, did I do something to him that hurt him? Why is he doing this? Is it my fault? Is it because he fell in love with a monster?<em>

* * *

><p><em>"Eren! Hey, are you even paying attention?" Jean shoves me and I glare at him sharply.<em>

_"Leave me the fuck alone horsefrace, I don't need your shit right now!"_

_"What shit? I'm just trying to help you pay attention!"_

_I look forward and see Pixis had stopped teaching to look over at us, his face in a concerned glare. He's not the only one looking at us, the whole class is staring at me._

_"Fuck, I can't do this right now," I get up, gather my things and leave the classroom with everyone staring after me._

* * *

><p><em>"Eren! Hey, where's your tables order? You can't just stand there your right in the middle of the way!" Eld shouted at me, and I numbly move over to where Gunther was busy washing dishes.<em>

_"Eren, are you alright? You seem kinda out of it," Gunther asks quietly, and I shake my head._

_"It's nothing Gunther, I'm just thinking too much."_

_he nods but his eyes focus on my slightly, "Okay then, you better get back out there and take care of yourself, okay?" _

_I bid him a short goodbye and walk back into the chaos._

* * *

><p><em>"Fucking brat, hold the fuck still!" A punch slams into my face, causing to involuntarily turn to the side. Levi growls at me, I close my eyes hoping he would finish soon.<em>

_He knees me in the stomach, and for a moment I can't breathe, "Keep your eyes open you little fucker!" he grabs my hair, pulling me up only to smash it back down into the floor. At this I open my eyes to find his face too close to my own. "Don't you dare try to go against me again, do you hear me?"_

_"Yes Levi-"_

_"Shut the fuck up!" He smashes my head down again, this time my vision falters a bit. I feel a trickle of blood start down my scalp, soon Levi's up and walking away leaving me to clean up the mess. I sit up and pull myself to my feet before picking up the broken pieces of whatever had been broken in his attack. after, I grab a cloth and disinfectant to clean up the blood. My blood. That Levi spilled._

**_Why is he doing this? Why is he hurting me? Is it my fault? What have I done to deserve this?_**

**Your a monster, there's no reason he shouldn't treat you like this. You deserve to be treated this way. Your not even human Eren, and Levi knows it. Your a freak. A monster, and you need to be kept in check.**

_**Shut the fuck up.**_

**Don't deny what you know is true.**

**_Who says I am?_**

_With that the voice in my head shuts up, and I finish everything quickly before joining Levi in the bedroom._

* * *

><p>"<em>Eren, can you move over a little? I have to get ready for work."<em>

_I roll over back to my side, and he gives a small thanks before getting out of bed taking his warmth with him. I stay laying there until I hear him leave the apartment, and slowly get up to get ready for class. _

_Most mornings I avoid Levi, but sometimes I bring myself to fix him some breakfast before he leaves. He still seems to not remember how he treats me, and I'm afraid that if I bring it up then he'll never give me a break from his wrath._

_I cover my head with our blanket, and tears start to fall slowly. _

_"I love you Levi, so why?"_

* * *

><p><strong>Month Two<strong>

* * *

><p><em>"Eren, you haven't been in class for a whole week, what's up with you?" A frowning Marco asks me as I set my stuff down at my seat.<em>

_"What about it Freckles? It's none of your guy's concern," I reply dismissively, and I find myself with Jean holding my shirt up and staring at me angrily._

_"Quit being so fucking rude, you suicidal bastard!" He shouts in my face, making me even angrier._

_"Shut the fuck up Horseface! My life isn't important to any of you, so just take your fucking notes and leave me the fuck alone!"_

_The whole room is quiet, if a pin had dropped I swear you could hear it. I grab my stuff and start to leave. I can't deal with all this pressure right now, I had to get out. I'm stopped by a hand on my shoulder. I turn around and come face to face with Thomas._

_"Eren, we do care about you because we're your friends." He says, and a few of the others nod in agreement._

_I brush his hand off and leave, why would anyone want to be friends with a monster like me?_

* * *

><p>"<em>Eren, this is the fourth time you messed up an order! Get your head on straight and do your job right!" Hannes yells at me.<em>

_"Yes sir, sorry sir," I reply quietly, and turn to leave bumping into Moblit._

_"Eren, follow me real quick," He leads me over to where Gunther's just leaving with the trash, and the three of us exit into the alley behind the Bar and Grill._

_"Eren, what's going on with you? Your usually on top of your job!" Moblit ask me._

_"Eren, is something going on outside of work that's bothering you?" Gunther probes, I sigh and raise my hand to rub between my eyes._

_"Guys, it's alright, there's nothing going on. I'm just not focused enough I guess."_

_They both give me skeptical looks at my words, and Gunther rests his hand on my forearm, "You know you can tell us anything, right?" he asks._

_"We're your friends Eren, we want to help you if your having any trouble with something," Moblit adds._

_I shrug him off and start heading back inside, "You guys, it's nothing. I'm fine okay? We got to get back to work,'' I leave them and head back to the tables to get more orders taken, shoving their concern out of my thoughts._

* * *

><p><em>When I get home, I notice that Levi isn't back from work yet. That gives me time to get his dinner ready and go to bed before he arrives. I quickly start cooking something together, and soon his plate is done and ready. I set it on the table with a spare plate covering it to keep the food warm. I take a shower and climb into bed just as I hear the front door open. I close my eyes when I hear his footsteps outside the room, and he enters to check and see if I'm asleep. I must have looked convincing, because he soon leaves, and I breathe a sigh of relief that tonight I managed to escape him. Soon I really fall asleep, and I worry no more. <em>

* * *

><p><strong>Month Three-Levi's P.O.V<strong>

* * *

><p><em>"Grisha, I already gave you my report. What else could you possibly want?" I growl out as quietly as I could. I was getting tired of doing his bidding, but Grisha said that it only had to be a little while longer, then he would leave us alone forever. I wasn't happy at all in this situation, and it was unfair that Eren was being treated this way by someone he loves.<em>

_But does he even still love me?_

**_"Levi, I told you multiple times that I have to do different situations to get the results I want. You promised to cooperate with me."_**

_"Yeah, I fucking get that."_

**_"Then you will do what I'm about to ask of you without any hesitation?"_**

_"As long as this is the last time Grisha. I'm getting tired of seeing him suffer, and he can't take much more of this!"_

**_"Eren is strong, and that's why he's such a good little monster for me."_**

_"Shut the fuck up you monster! Your the fucking monster here Grisha," I feel anger slowly building up inside of me. Why the hell am I even taking orders from this bastard? Oh yeah, he threatened to kill Eren. After Grisha briefed me on my next, and last, assignment I was ready to just hide and cry. This will definitely break Eren, if he isn't broken already._

* * *

><p><em>Eren's graduation was huge. I tried to keep up on how much he was going to class, and I figured that he graduated by the skin of his teeth. It would've been better if Grisha hadn't interfered in our lives. I wish he was gone now, as I have been wishing for the past three months. But now he's finally graduating. After all this time, Eren will have a better future that he can achieve for himself. No matter if he wants to spend it with me or not. <em>

_I stand at the back of the stadium by the doors, even though I'm pretty sure that he won't spot me in the crowded building. I just couldn't let myself miss this, not just for the opportunity of seeing him succeed for the first time in his life, but to remind me just how much I care for him even if he doesn't remember. I lean against the wall, my arms crossed over my chest as I watch him receive his diploma and shake hands with every person on the stage. They don't spend much time with him, just enough to say his name, hand him his diploma, shake hands, and then he's off to sit down once more. I skipped the speeches at the beginning, including him walking in. None of that was important to me anyway, and I couldn't even get off work any earlier even if I had wanted to see it. __Soon Eren and the other graduates, 104 of them to be exact, reach up and move their tassels to the other side of their caps, and then toss them up into the air. I let myself smile a bit at the happiness in Eren's face before I turn around to leave. _

_I wish that right now I could be with him to celebrate this occasion, but I have no choice in the matter. I had fought with Grisha tooth and nail to even let me see him graduate from afar, and I'm glad I did. I get in my car and head to the rendezvous point in which I was supposed to meet with someone that worked for Grisha for the job he wanted me to do tonight. _

_I wish, in my heart and all my dreams, that after this was all over Eren will still love me. But even then I know that is wishful thinking. I've blown off Hanji for too long, and I think she even suspects things are wrong between us. I wish I could just tell her and get help, but I just can't lose Eren. Even if that means I have to hurt him, I don't want him to die because of me._

* * *

><p><em>After picking up Annie, Grisha's employee, she directs me to a bar and grill. I flinch when I see Eren in there, dressed as a waiter taking orders. This must be where he works, must have came here right after the ceremony rather than going out for drinks.<em>

_"Get out."_

_"But-"_

_She pulls out a handgun, and points it at me, "You said you would do anything Grisha asked of you." She points the gun out the window, aiming at Eren, "Well, you better hurry up, or my finger may just...Slip."_

_I hurry and get out of the car, she follows with her gun buried in the small of my back. When we enter the joint, Eren's eyes immediately find mine and I can see the hurt in them. This is too much, and we both knew it._

_Annie pokes her gun at me,"Go sit down, don't just stand there. Ignore him like a good boy."_

_I have no choice but to listen to her, and it pains me as I turn away from him. He walks over to us,"Hello, my name is Eren and I'll be your waiter this evening. Would you like anything to drink as you look over our menu?" He asks coldly, and I can't even bring myself to look up at him. _

_Annie shifts the gun under the table, causing me to grunt a little,"Just water is fine."_

_He leaves, and I spend the whole night with a gun poking at me and my lover trying to hide is pain. _

* * *

><p><em>I get home before Eren, but not by much since there was only a few minutes after I walked in and there's Eren slamming the door open. <em>

_"You fucking bastard! What the hell were you doing at my job with that girl?!"_

_He stands there in front of me, his eyes filled with hurt and anger,"Why the hell would you be with a girl?"_

_I want to tell him the truth, I wish I could but I can't. Damn Grisha!_

_"What, since your barely home and don't even talk to me anymore I can't go find someone that's actually worth my time?"_

_My heart breaks as I watch Eren slowly fall apart at my words, why can't I just shut up? Why must I hurt him so?_

_"You don't even take the time to ask me how my day was, and I still let you stay here with me. Why should I care about your feelings at all?" No, please don't listen Eren. Please don't look like that._

_"The only person that even cares about your well being is me Eren, and I do my best to support you yet you just blow me off? What kind of person are you to treat me like that, after I helped you get back on your feet?" No please stop, don't cry Eren. Please don't cry because I don't mean it, I don't mean a single word!_

_"Just go to bed, I don't want to look at you." I turn around and head to the kitchen, not wanting to break down in front of him. I hear him slam the bathroom door shut, and I know that this has gone too far. I've really hurt my Eren._

_I don't know how to fix him either._

* * *

><p><strong>Gah! Finally got the last part of the past done and over with! Now we can move back to the present! Hope you all enjoyed, and I'll see you in the new year! Thank you all for your support! I wish you all the best in the new year, and hope to update soon! Bye~<strong>


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